Warning!  What follows is the babbling of a bitter and tired old man.

When you have lived as long as I have and up to your armpits in filth, then maybe you might understand.  We all make choices and I made mine.  My mother said, "You made your bed now lay in it".  Well, know I am wallowing in my bitterness.  I just never pictured that I wouldn't have much to fall back on except good intentions.  

I am grateful to have a wife and son that accept me for what I am.  All my flaws.  I just wish that I had more to give them.  Can money buy you happiness?  I guess it's something I might never get the chance to see.